Codependency là gì

6 Signs of a Codependent Relationship

Retìm kiếm explains why the ties that bind are practically unbreakable.

Posted September 19, 2016 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma


Many people find themselves repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns—despite their best intentions.

Consider codependency—when two people with dysfunctional personality traits become worse together. Enmeshment happens when clear boundaries about where you start và where your partner ends are not clearly defined.

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Think of the most unhappy couple you’ve sầu ever met. (Hopefully you"re not a part of this duo.) You may wonder why these people are still together. Adults are willing participants in partnerships. And as unhealthy as relationships may be, there can be gains for both parties. Comtháng reasons for sticking together include children, finances, time invested, và fear of the shame that may come with splitting up. But the bigger issue is the belief that one or both people believe sầu they deserve khổng lồ be mistreated. (For an in-depth article about this dysfunctional dynamic, clichồng here.)

Signs of Codependency

The traditional definition of codependency has focused on control, nurturing, và maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent, or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such as narcissism. A classic codependency mã sản phẩm is the alcoholic husbvà & his enabling wife.

Dupont và McGovern (1991) argue that codependent individuals “nội dung the responsibility for the unhealthy behavior, primarily by focusing their lives on the siông xã or the bad behavior and by making their own self-esteem and well-being contingent on the behavior of the unhealthy family member.” (p. 316).

Le Poire (1992) supposed that the functional (or healthy) partner nurtures the afflicted partner when he or she engages in an undesirable behavior. This behavior is ultimately pleasant to the afflicted partner, which serves to lớn reinforce it. The partner who controls the most rewards (which builds his or her power base) is assumed khổng lồ be the powerful one, while the other is indebted lớn hyên or her (Beattie, 1987). Borrowing a phrase from my clinical mentor, Reevah Simon, “Whenever there is ongoing conflict, there is underlying agreement.” In other words, it takes two khổng lồ tango, and the dependent or subservient partner may not be as weak, passive, or innocent as they appear.

The following questions can serve sầu as a guide lớn determine if your relationship involves codependency:

Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner"s needs?Is it difficult to lớn say no when your partner makes demands on your time và energy?Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?Do you feel trapped in your relationship?Do you keep quiet lớn avoid arguments?

The Development of Codependency

At birth, we are intrinsically vulnerable và utterly dependent on our caregivers for food, safety, and regulation. An infant’s attachment và bonding lớn one or more caregivers is critical for physical và emotional survival. This fundamental attachment makes the infant reliant on the needs và vulnerabilities of the caregiver.

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Growing up with an unreliable or unavailable parent means taking on the role of caretaker and/or enabler. A child in this situation puts the parent’s needs first. Dysfunctional families bởi vì not acknowledge that problems exist. As a result, its members repress emotions và disregard their own needs to lớn focus on the needs of the unavailable parent(s). When the "parentified" child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.

Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs và wants. A comtháng behavioral tendency is to lớn overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down. Lacking an internal locus of control means searching for external sources of validation & control. You might try lớn control your partner’s behaviors so you can feel OK. You might act self-righteous và bossy, và make unreasonable demands on your partner. And when you realize you cannot control his or her moods or actions you become disappointed, và may slide into a depressed state.

Recovering from Codependency

Treatment for codependency often involves exploration of early childhood issues and their connection khổng lồ current dysfunctional behavior patterns. Getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger will allow you to lớn reconstruct appropriate relationship dynamics.

Psychotherapy is highly recommended as these personality characteristics are ingrained & difficult khổng lồ change on your own. Choosing the right therapist can make all the difference in your recovery. You’ll know you’re on track when the following traits become part of your personality:

You nurture your own wants & desires & develop a connection khổng lồ your inner world. You see yourself as self-reliant, smart, and capable.

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When you"ve sầu recovered from codependency, you no longer feel compelled to lớn stay in an unhealthy, painful relationship. You know that you are not responsible for anyone"s happiness except for your own, & you can feel comfortable with the decision khổng lồ walk away.